Dear Cassey: How can I motivate my boyfriend on our fitness journey?

Dear Cassey,
My boyfriend and I have been working out together, aiming to lose some weight and get fitter. I can see my body responding well to exercise and diet improvements, but this month he is really struggling and while he is feeling stronger, he also feels chubby, especially around the belly. I have noticed his belly does look a bit bigger, but I also know he is putting the work and eating well. What would you suggest that would keep him motivated and help him achieve his goals without starving or hurting himself?
In This Together

Dear In This Together,

Couple. Goals.

Seriously. It takes A LOT to commit to changing your lifestyle, and it’s so cool that you and your boyfriend are taking this on together. That being said, changing how you eat is and getting into the routine of working out is still no walk in the park. ESPECIALLY if you don’t see that hard work pay off. I love that you’re so mindful of your boyfriend’s feelings and discouragement even though you’re seeing some success (YAY for you, btw!).

Your support is exactly what he needs to stay motivated.

The first thing you can do for your boyfriend is to remind him about his WHY. What was the final straw that made him say “YEP. Let’s do this”?

  • You mentioned wanting to get more fit. Was he an athlete in great shape in the past and wants to get back to that?
  • Does he have a specific goal or event he wants to accomplish?
  • Does he just want to FEEL better?
  • Is he self-conscious about how he looks?

Whatever his “why” is, it’s LEGIT and IMPORTANT. Don’t let him lose sight of it.

Next, point out the progress that he probably isn’t seeing. You said he’s been feeling stronger, which TOTALLY shows his body is changing. Get him talking about the ways he feels stronger -it will make him feel more confident and inspired to keep pushing!

I also love writing down my workouts so I can physically SEE how I’ve improved. For example, you could both write down how many reps you do or what weight you used on your most challenging moves. Then watch yourselves get stronger on paper.

Oh and that reminds me – PROGRESS PICS. Are you taking them?

I know they can be kinda awkward to take but trust me when I say that nothing is more motivating!

With pictures to compare every couple of weeks, he might notice that his stomach isn’t actually more chubby. Maybe he’s just a little bloated on certain days. Or if he really isn’t seeing much change there yet, maybe he’ll realize that his arms or legs are looking more toned. We all gain and lose weight in different areas first, so maybe he just needs to notice where the change is happening now.

And finally, encourage him to just stick with it. Consistency is 100%, hands down, without a doubt, KEY for results to happen.

This new lifestyle is for life. I’m gonna bet that you’re both going to have your ups and downs along the way. Keep leaning on each other and do your best to avoid comparing your results to each other. Even though you’re doing this together, your fitness journeys are going to look very different. And that’s NORMAL! Keep cheering each other on.

And remember, I’m cheering you on too! 

PS – If you have a burning question you want to ask me, I’m taking questions via text at 510-692-4556. Currently this only works for US and Canada. If you’re outside of those countries, you can leave a question below.

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