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Dear Cassey: How can I stop feeling insecure?

Dear Cassey,

How do you handle having bad insecurity days? I’ve been having some recently and I don’t know what to do to make myself feel better. I have friends who can eat whatever they want and stay really skinny but I have to work really hard for it. What helps you?

Sincerely, 

Sometimes Insecure 

Hey Sometimes Insecure,

I definitely have those days where I notice I’m feeling insecure… STILL. I think it’s safe to say that everyone does! So please know that you’re not alone. It’s way too easy to compare ourselves to others, whether that be our close friends, or people on the internet, or even people on TV. Comparison always leads to feelings of insecurity, even for people who seem to “have it all.”

So I guess that’s the best place to start! Comparison really is the thief of joy. We’re all different and we all have things we’re insecure about, just like we all have things we’re super confident and proud of! It’s all about perspective. You specifically mentioned your friends who can “eat what they want and stay skinny,” but I’d be willing to bet that they have insecurities about their own bodies too.

Start working to change your perspective to focus on the things you’re proud of. I get frustrated when people have the wrong perception of me or when people start to judge me for being “too skinny”, even though years ago they judged me for being “too fat”. So for years now, I’ve focused on NOT trying to be what everyone wants me to be (because it’s impossible), and instead being proud of being who I want to be. I’m mindful of my accomplishments, and I make goals for myself. Not others.

To start working on this, start focusing on what you love about yourself. Write it down if you have to. It’s awkward at first to “brag” about yourself, but it’s totally necessary to get away from picking yourself apart – which for some reason we have ALL been trained to do. Then, find a good way to document your goals (big and small), and track your progress often. You can journal, take pictures, whatever works.

You’ll still have days when you’re feeling insecure, but you can always go back to your journal to remind yourself of how amazing you are and how far you’ve come. It’s really liberating to get out of the mess of comparison and what we “should” be!

I hope this helps! If anyone else has tips for how Sometimes Insecure can lift herself up on tough days, leave them in the comments!

PS – If you have a burning question you want to ask me, I’m taking questions via text at 510-692-4556. Currently this only works for US and Canada. If you’re outside of those countries, you can leave a question below.

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