Dear Cassey: How do you stop comparing your life to others?

Dear Cassey,

How do you stop comparing your life to others? I’m turning 30 soon. I live with my boyfriend of 2 years and we have talked about our future. I feel secure in us but can’t help but compare my timeline to friends/society. I want marriage and kids and I feel confident that I’ve found the person I want to share those moments with. But I can’t help but feel like I’m “behind”. At this point it’s not likely I’ll be married until I’m 32/33 and likely won’t have kids until I’m 34-36. I know age is just a number and women have healthy pregnancies later in their 30’s but I sometimes feel like I’m behind or old in getting to these milestones one day (hopefully).


Caught in Comparison

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Dear Caught in Comparison,

It sounds like this is a really happy and exciting time for you! You’re in a solid relationship with someone you can see yourself with forever, and you’re planning your future together. That’s amazing!

I’m not starting with that to make you feel guilty or like your feelings are invalid. I just wanna show you how comparing your life to others might be robbing you of excitement for the future and serving up some serious self-doubt. But how do you avoid comparison? It’s so frustrating!

Everyone’s lives are plastered all over social media and in your face constantly. And that’s making you look at what you have and STILL wonder if you’re doing enough. I’m assuming what you’re comparing your life to goes beyond social media though… it’s what we’re expected to believe is the social norm. And that’s tough to ignore.

And it’s not just you! Societal pressure is something we all deal with over and over and over, on repeat.

People who eat healthily and workout compare themselves to others who “look better”.

Moms compare themselves to other moms who are “doing a better job”.

Young couples compare themselves to other couples who can buy homes in big cities and wonder if they are “successful enough”.

My point is… it always seems like mayyyyybe everyone else has it together more than us. But giving in and comparing takes away from living and enjoying the present.

Back to your situation – I TOTALLY get why you feel “behind.” Sometimes it feels like as women, we can’t really win, you know? We’re supposed to work hard for careers, live our lives, travel, AND have fun…. yet make sure we don’t wait too long to start a family.

But there really isn’t one “right” timeline, and girl – you are still young! Not only do you have PLENTY of time, but no matter what, some pieces of your timeline will be out of your control. Stressing about it is just not worth it. Live life in the present and enjoy how things fall into place! Because they WILL.

Also – chances are, someone out there is looking at your life wondering if they should have waited LONGER to start a family. Sometimes thinking about things that way helps when I’m stuck in comparison mode. There’s no perfect track to live your life. And honestly, wouldn’t it be kinda boring if there was?

Comparison is normal and your feelings are normal. Hopefully, this little chat gives you a different perspective so it’s easier to soak up your current happiness and just let life do it’s thang. I’m excited for what’s coming for you in the future!

PS – If you have a burning question you want to ask me, I’m taking questions via text at 510-692-4556. Currently this only works for US and Canada. If you’re outside of those countries, you can leave a question below.

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